Over 17 million adults in the U.S. struggle with depression. Generally, women report having depression more often than men. However, men are less likely to talk about their struggles with the condition, let alone other mental health issues.

The result, then, is that when it comes to men and depression, too many go untreated for far too long, if at all. These men experience all kinds of problems which only exacerbate the pain and struggle that they feel.

Still, it is possible to get help for men that serves their unique needs and perspectives.

A Reluctance to Talk

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one reason why men don’t get treated for depression is that they just don’t want to talk about it. When questioned, they are not willing to discuss the issue. But why?

There are some key reasons. Generally, such thinking is rooted both in personal experience and societal expectations. For example:

When suffering men were children, many learned from adult men that talking about your feelings was “bad.” They might not have been told this directly. Still, they learned, by example, that emotional displays and lessened masculinity were linked in the following ways:

1. Society tells these boys that they need to be “strong.” However, that is often connected to being silent too. Hence, the “strong and silent type.”
2. Depressed men also learn that talking about their feelings makes them less powerful. If you are weak, then others can take advantage of you.
3. These boys grow up believing that discussion of mental health is something that men just don’t do.

Misinterpreting the Signs

Even though men don’t often talk about their emotions, that doesn’t mean they don’t occur. Men with depression just express them differently. For instance, instead of appearing to be sad, men might lash out in anger instead.

This sounds confusing. After all, if someone is sad, shouldn’t they just feel sad? Yes! However, we often don’t permit men to do this.

If they believe that feeling sad, depressed, etc. is wrong, they will beat themselves up for it. Essentially, they feel bad because they feel bad. This festers and grows into anger. That, in turn, is the emotion that gets released. Often at the wrong time.

Watch Out for Grumpiness

Have you ever known someone who identified as a male who is always grumpy, prickly, or just plain irritable? These men always seem to have a “chip on their shoulder.” They seem to hold continual resentment against something or someone. Nothing makes them happy.

Often there’s a reason for that. Keep in mind that irritability is really a low-grade form of anger. It’s not the destructive anger that we are used to seeing. Yet, it is anger nonetheless. Without help, these men can struggle for a very long time.

The Connection Between Substance Abuse, Men, and Depression

One very important aspect to note is the connection between substance abuse, men, and depression. Because men struggle with talking about their emotions, they manage them in other ways. They often cope unproductively and unhelpfully. Many manage by drinking or via drug use.

This actually makes sense, unfortunately. If sadness and depression make you feel bad but you can’t resolve them, you might numb yourself to those feelings. It’s a way to self-medicate. Still, as we know, that’s not a healthy long-term solution. In the end, this can exacerbate personal trouble.

Men and Depression Treatment

Men with depression don’t have to live lives filled with anger, bitterness, or substance use.

The best option when it comes to men and depression? Professional help through depression counseling. Although men are often wary of therapy, it is crucial for recovery. Thankfully, there is more awareness of these issues today than in previous generations.

What helps most is a therapist who understands the dynamics preventing men from the help they need. If you are struggling with depression, please read more about depression treatment and contact me today about how counseling can help.