When you learned of your partner’s betrayal, it felt like your world crumbled.

It seems like everything you thought or believed changed in one split second. Such a huge blow to your personal life might have felt like someone dropping a bomb right on top of you. It probably left you wondering how in the world to find all the pieces, let alone put them back together.

Sadly, this is the essence of trauma. And yes, it is incredibly more devastating to find out that the person you trust the most has betrayed you. Aside from the initial shock of the entire situation, this discovery may have very well left you facing an unfamiliar version of yourself, unlike anything you’ve experienced before.

What Is A Trigger?

You may be dealing with negative feelings and unwanted emotions in this so-called new version of yourself. These feelings and emotions are most likely the product of a trigger.

What is a trigger?

A trigger is any type of stimuli that cause you to feel emotions associated with the traumatic event – in your case, your partner’s betrayal. These stimuli could be anything from a smell, sound, or even a certain situation.

An example of a trigger might be the smell of nail polish remover to a betrayed wife. Why? One evening an unfaithful husband told his wife of his affair while she was doing her nails. From then on, the smell of nail polish remover reminded the wife of that traumatic evening when she learned of her husband betrayal. It didn’t take more than a quick whiff of the liquid to send the wife into an alternate state of mind before she even realized it.

These triggers are created in your subconscious. You may not even know that something is a trigger. They are subtle and it’s often hard to know when one is coming. Sensory memory is strong. So strong, in fact, that you might be upset before you know why you’re upset.

How to Manage Trigger Symptoms

To empower you and keep you on the path to healing, focus on managing your triggers before you attempt to identify them.

When you begin to feel a negative emotion like anger, depression, or panic, recognize that these emotions are the result of a trigger. You’re not unstable and you did nothing wrong. Your brain simply recognized outside stimuli that it associates with your recent trauma.

You can even verbalize this and literally tell yourself, “I’m feeling this way now because something triggered it in me.” Anchoring your brain back into the present is the ultimate goal here. Although it may seem silly to talk aloud to yourself, sometimes your brain may need to hear it.

Deep, slow breaths are another great way to anchor yourself. Rather than just blowing in and out, try deliberately focusing on your breaths while you push aside everything else for a minute.

Also, do something that will make you feel secure and stable. It doesn’t have to be anything incredibly significant, just familiar and comforting. It should be something that makes you feel good or strong, like going for a jog or picking up your favorite coffee drink.

These simple things will all help you to cope with the unwanted emotions you experience when your memory is triggered.

How to Identify Triggers

Once you’ve got the know-how to be able to manage your trigger-induced emotions, you can start to identify them. Identifying your triggers is as easy and as complicated as retracing your mental steps.

What this means is that you have to pay attention to how you feel and when your mood changes. When you realize something has changed then take a step back and examine why.

If your mood took a negative turn during a conversation then retrace the words spoken. You can examine the smells, sights, and sounds right before your emotional change to help you identify the trigger, as well.

It is time-consuming but effective.

Trusted friends and family might notice that certain things effect you negatively now, so their feedback can be very helpful.

You might feel like a big mess of hurt right now, but you can reclaim your life.

Following these simple guidelines will help you to feel more empowered and more in control of your emotions. The more effort you put forth in managing your triggers the less power they have over you.